...busting up my brains for the words

Thursday, April 14, 2005

You don't want a pet monkey

MonkeyWatch has the scoop on all things monkey. Here's a bit of particularly wise advice in case you were thinking that a monkey might make a good house pet.

So you're a total misanthrope, no friends, no plans to have kids? Believe me, you still don't want a monkey. Primates live a long time - depending on species, you could be talking 20 to 40 years - and need a lot of interactive engagement. Think about it. How old are you? Thirty? Ready to care for that monkey day in, day out until you're seventy? Remember, she's not going to grow up and go to college, or get her own apartment. It will be like having a very demanding small child, completely dependent on you, for many years. Primates are active, intelligent, and curious and they can destroy your house. Leaving them constantly in a cage is inhumane, but left loose, they will destroy household goods, remove their diapers, masturbate in front of company, urinate and defecate in the house, and throw food. Larger monkeys can open refrigerators and cabinets, unlock doors, and basically create havoc. Did I already say that it's like living with a two-year-old? A very strong two-year-old who smells bad?

Okay. I'm talked out of it already.


  • At 12:50 PM, Blogger Ed said…

    For those who still feel the need for some monkey in their lives, there's always monkeys on DVD, which seems an altogether more reasonable proposition.

  • At 7:10 PM, Blogger pinkmonkeybird said…

    Mickey, Mike, Davy & Peter.


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