...busting up my brains for the words

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Indeed, I am the most eligible bachelor

Nihilist In Golf Pants is causing my meter to jump to heretofore undreamed of, off the chart levels of traffic up into the 30s. Now that Brian "St. Paul" Ward is engaged to be married, he loses the crown of MOBMEB and a new clown prince must be found. I am that clown. Why? Because I'm 52 years old, never been married and I'm reaching levels of desperation, that's why. I've failed in life on a number of scores and now I need to fail in a marriage. Jes' kidding.
But seriously, I am eligible. I haven't been on a date for years. I don't know why. Maybe it's because chicks hate me for favoring the smoking ban. Or maybe it's because I call women chicks. I don't know. I am very particular about the women I am willing to be seen with in public. They have to be hot and attractive and young enough to be my daughter. Jes' kidding again. That was then, this is now.
Now, I am much more accepting of the fair sex. All I want is a woman who has a car and can drive me places. Jes' kidding again.
Now you know why I'm still single. I don't have a serious mind about anything and people who talk too much irritate the heck out of me. If you're a reasonably attractive woman, like to laugh, can conduct an intelligent conversation and don't mind riding the bus...wink at me sometime. That's all the encouragement I need.


  • At 7:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hydie Ho Scottie,
    Look Bro, you can't win if you don't
    play. And, as an observer of the
    human condition, I am entirely
    convinced that it's a question of
    numbers. If you ask 100 nice,
    sane, pretty, well-spoken women out on a date, a certain percentage will
    bite. And something beautiful will
    bloom. The problem you get
    older, you have less energy and
    patience for this Sherman's March.
    But it is entirely possible.
    I am convinced that a mate is good for your health. My uncle passed away at the age of 68 (he just stopped eating and drinking water for no logical reason). Everyone in my family is convinced he would have
    been better off and lived longer with a mate. Plus, if you don't
    have a mate, you'll strongly attach to your parents instead, and they can't live forever for you. My uncle was never the same after his
    mother passed.

    So, again, you can't win if you
    don't play. Good luck. And one
    crass tip. If you get in a
    sexual situation with a woman,
    oral sex (on them) always reels
    them in.

  • At 7:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…


  • At 8:24 PM, Blogger pinkmonkeybird said…

    What sort of a porn site do you think this is???!
    I want a nice lady.

  • At 9:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I saw Larry King tonight.
    Jane Fonda is available

  • At 7:21 AM, Blogger pinkmonkeybird said…

    "Jane Fonda is available"
    Voice is too flinty.


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